Love without Vows

In today’s episode of, “Will You Marry Me?,” I’d like to talk to you about, “Love without Vows.” We’ve all grown accustomed to marriage vows. To most of us, the taking of vows is seen as indispensable, and an enduring relationship would seem incomplete without a vow.

However, given the near divine status we ascribe to a vow, it’s easy for us to overestimate its role in a relationship, including marriage. It is my purpose in this presentation to help focus our attention on what really matters in a relationship: love.

Love is the life of any relationship. Without it, a couple will become no more than roommates or business partners. Love can exist without vows, but the same can’t be said of vows. In the absence of love, vows are meaningless.

Those who are loving won’t become more loving because of a vow. Similarly, those who aren’t committed to love won’t become loving because of a vow. People make vows, but vows don’t make people. Vow or no vow, we’re what we are. People like us, or they don’t; they’re committed to us, or they’re not. It’s that simple.

Relying on vows to sustain a relationship is putting our trust in human promises instead of trusting the power of love to prevail. We want people to want to be with us because they like us, not because they’ve taken a vow. Love is the ultimate commitment.

A vow isn’t necessarily a sign of commitment. People take vows and break them all the time. The love between two people is more important than any vows.

What matters for couples is the exchange of love between them. Commitment to one another should be based, not on vows, but on love and mutual trust. How (or whether) we love someone shouldn’t depend on vows. Love is a self-sustaining force and is therefore able to sustain anything – including relationships.

In a relationship (marriage), a vow exists for primarily two reasons. Firstly, it’s added to satisfy our human need for reassurance – which is often a symptom of deep-seated insecurities. Secondly, it exists to ‘compel’ lovers to live up to expectations (religious institutions, relatives, and so forth). In this sense, it puts unnecessary pressure on a relationship. Beyond that, however, a vow has no value as far as love is concerned. Those who are loyal at heart will be loyal – with or without a vow. And that’s what counts. The more we love, the less we need vows.

A relationship without vows is missing nothing. But a relationship that is missing love is missing everything. Love without vows is better than vows without love. We should learn to trust the power of love, and rely less on vows.

With love and blessings


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