In today’s episode of, “Will You Marry Me?,” I’d like to talk to you about, “10 Steps to Take When You Realize You’re in Love with the ‘Wrong’ Person.” Mistakes happen in life. You think you bought a men’s shirt – only to discover later that what you have is actually a women’s shirt. What do you do? Return it? Sure, if you can.
A similar problem can occur in relationships, too. Sometimes we think we’ve found the perfect person – then one day we suddenly realize there’s something about our lover that makes it imperative to discontinue the relationship. Maybe three months into a relationship, you discover your lover has a different sexual orientation (you’re straight, but it turns out he (she) is gay, which means you both have different interests).
You find out perhaps that your lover is involved in criminal activity, is a pedophile, is secretly married to another person, has kids from a different relationship you did not know about, and this is unacceptable to you. Maybe you discover they’ve been sleeping with a relative of yours (a sibling, or a cousin).
Or, maybe you’re dating someone you think is an adult (18 years or more) only to realize one day that they’re underage. In most countries, (especially in the West), this can have serious legal implications (and God forbid – if you’ve already had sexual relations with this person, things can get even more complicated).
The word ‘wrong,’ in this context, is subjective. What Kojo finds unacceptable, Kofi might be able to tolerate. When it comes to relationships, different people have diverse levels of tolerance. Each one of us should therefore decide for themselves what qualifies for them as the ‘wrong’ person – with the exception of an underage person, where the choice is clear).
In any case, when you realize you’ve been dating the wrong person, here are ten (10) steps you can take to manage the situation.
- Pray for wisdom and courage about the matter. Some people know what they need to do, but they lack the courage to act. Others have the courage, but they lack good judgment (in terms of timing, choice of words).
- If there are potential legal implications, talk to a lawyer (for instance, if you found out your lover is underage, or is involved in possible criminal activity).
- Arrive at a decision (to leave).
- Inform your lover about your decision (in person, if it’s safe to do so; otherwise, call or text).
- Walk away.
- Speak with your pastor, a counselor, or therapist to help you process what has happened.
- Pray to disentangle yourself from any unwanted energies from the just-ended relationship.
- Forgive yourself for what happened.
- Give yourself time to recover from the shock (pain) before getting involved with another person.
- Write your experience in a journal, and promise yourself you’ll be stronger and wiser next time.
With love and blessings