Mutual Understanding for a Healthy Marriage

In today’s episode of, “Will You Marry Me?”, I’d like to talk to you about, ‘Mutual Understanding for a Healthy Marriage.” What makes any relationship work is mutual understanding. When a man and a woman understand each other, they can make almost anything work. But arriving at mutual understanding isn’t easy. It takes patience, and a commitment to take each other’s needs seriously through honest conversations.

What I want to share today is three (3) criteria to help lovers create a baseline of understanding. Once a relationship gets serious, it’s vital to have ground rules in place – rules both parties can agree to and accept. This will serve as a point of reference for guiding and evaluating the growth of the relationship. Sometimes lovers skip this process because they’re so deep in love they overlook its importance.

When you have no clear boundaries, it means you’re willing to take whatever is thrown at you. Early on in a relationship, it’s important for lovers to make known to each other their aspirations as well as their boundaries. Many people declare their boundaries only after they’re married. That’s a mistake.

If we want to be successful at anything we need to watch our timing. Marriage is no different. Doing the right thing at a bad time is never a good idea. Certain conversations need to happen early in a relationship – long before marriage.

One such conversation is about rules of engagement. This is to help the couple reach an understanding – a baseline for establishing trust, for respecting and accommodating each other’s differences, and for building consensus on matters that affect the relationship. These rules of engagement can be reviewed and updated as needed.

From the beginning, it’s important to be clear about what you both want out of the relationship, what you can tolerate, and what you (absolutely) can’t accept. In view of this, conversations about mutual understanding should center around the following questions:

  1. What Do You Want from the Relationship?

This refers to your desires, aspirations, things you prefer and hope to experience in the relationship. Be honest.

  1. What Can You Tolerate?

This refers to things you dislike or hate, but can live with – things which perhaps are annoying but can’t hurt you, for example, being with a lover who has a habit of being late.  

  • What is Unacceptable to You? (Deal Breaker)

As long as people know they can do what they want and face no consequences, they won’t take you seriously. You’ll become the carpet on which they walk. Everyone in life has a limit to what they can tolerate before they say, “Enough is enough!” This is their breaking point. So in this part of the conversation, lovers should talk about those things they would consider a deal breaker.

Make time and agree on each other’s boundaries, levels of tolerance, as well as range of expectations. It sounds simple, but an honest conversation today will set the tone for a healthy marriage tomorrow.

With love and blessings


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